Uriels Journal

11904634_10206481057617005_1596973433099131143_nThis is my life… in this rag tag blog. My name is not really Scott Kay; that is my Facebook name. I do not use my family name because I hate it. I hate it because of my father… there is plenty about that in these pages. I grew up with a man who did nothing but tell me what a worthless being I was and how I would never amount to anything and somewhere along the way I started believing him and my life sorta took that direction.

This ain’t no pity party, this ain’t no cry fest, this ain’t no fucking around. I am not asking for any sorry feelings about this and if the man died tomorrow I am not sure how I would feel. I feel like he ruined me and after a few years of therapy I thought I fixed myself but a few years of therapy can’t cure a childhood and all those formative years of degradation.

I am therefore I strive to better than the seeds of life have sewn.

Feeling it

I have no friends. Well, I do but they are all so far away. This really sucks that I am alone in that area. While C Monster is very important to me there are people missing in my life right now that are beyond my relationship. In San Francisco I…

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Welcome back stranger… you’re fucked

I have not been using this thing in a while. I kinda forgot about it for the most part. The thing is that over the last year I have been very conscience of the weight I have gained and the confines of my living situation with my bf. There has…

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Coming out of the gray clouds

I am trying something new. I am trying to be more present in the moment. I am trying to let go of a wrecked past with a father that I grew up with dastardly past. I am trying not to focus on the things that haunt me: the things that…

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New Neuro Pathways

Been spending some time thinking a lot about what makes me – me – in the now. My bf and I were traveling this last weekend and one of the things we like to do is listen to pod casts and a lot of them have to do with understanding…

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24 Hours later

Venting should be therapeutic. Catharsis should be lifting? Idk, but after yesterday’s post I hoped to take some of the weight off my shoulders and find ¬†little more freedom of the weight that has been in my heart. I have no idea if I achieved any of that, but a…

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In a dark place….

When I started writing this blog as many years ago… it was a time when I was much happier. I am like a swimmer in the ocean caught in the rip tides these days often pulled helpless under the curling waters unable to catch a breath. I am in the…

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I started a second blog for my little nods of the world around me. Maybe someone will want to share in my signal. Alas it is still new and does not have so much as a feather as a wing yet. I came to this site to do some maintenance…

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6 months later

I am still alive… not that there is any great mystery to anyone paying any kind of attention. No one reads this blog any more and with the rise of Facebook, no one really goes past it. I am still living in San Francisco and still living with my bf…

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