Okay, so I did a lot of grousing last night on here with 2 whole entries. Maybe it opened me up a bit and now I feel a little more expressive. I hope it is in a good way.
I’m not alone, but life just seems like a daily struggle. It’s supposed to be a learning experience. BUT – one my of my lifelong problems is looking into someone else’s yard thinking the grass is greener. Usually not – because everyone has their own struggles. I am sure Paris Hilton often finds her life in question sometimes thinking it is hard – she can;t be that vapid.
The point is we all have our challenged – not wanting to sound like a giant angry vagina – nor do I want to seem like I am back-peddling. But I am constantly walking forward three steps and sliding back 2 to 4 steps never feeling like I am getting ahead – at least for long.
NO POOR ME SHIT!!! I take full ownership of my shit. I am the only person who makes my bad decisions and for 20 years I have made a steady stream of them. Although they seem great in the moment… usually not so good.
So, about my father – he’s still an asshole but the only tie that binds is a monetary debt and hopefully I can manage that soon (I have to).
Regarding finding work, I am working that out painfully slowly. Trying to develop a business.
For friends and lovers – maybe one day I will know that love again. (Sounds much more dramatic than it is in my head trust me). There are some people I really care for, but there are too many others that say they like/love me and I can clearly see they do not respect me.
I AM NO SAINT… I talk out of my ass jokingly a lot… but fuck you all who can;t take the time to really know me. I am an open book – usually.