Uriels Journal

mad world

mad world

Yep, I am back there again. Yep, really feeling like the world is slipping out from under my feet. As much as feel like I am struggling there is a conflict of reality basically telling me I am not good enough and a failure; it’s a familiar voice. I am drowning and I am a man of contingency, but dreams can not float on a vacuum.

P1010006aSo, the ghost of my biological father has been haunting me. Well, better to say my daddy-baggage. He is still alive and within the scope of these hard times I am feeling incredibly depressed. But then again, I have been over committing myself in the light of a heating up season for Burning Man.

Definitely it feels there has been a spirit hovering around me and I suspect at least one of them has been my Tom Dog. Not sure why he has been here, but I felt him really strong last night. Not that he is the only one buzzing around… I can’t seem to pinpoint who it might be though I have my suspicions.

yeah, I know it sounds crazy and I know it also sounds kind of stupid. All I can say is this is what I feel sometimes. My ghosty experiences in this city have been few and far apart.

Bottom line… I am seriously struggling and am just losing faith in myself. I hate my job situation. My career path is broken and overgrown with weeds. I need to change.

C Monster is the best thing I got right now.

One thought on “mad world

  1. ScottK Post author

    I decided to try and communicate with my ghost who had been keeping me up at night. As for Tom … I asked him to go be with mom. He was here two nights. Smelling his winter jacket which I pulled out the other day seemed to ignite memories.

    If it was my grandfather… still not sure… I tired a few tricks to communicate but it was all 1 way. I told him about my relationship with my Dad and that it was a long story and shared some of the debris still inside me. Somehow I felt whomever it was was trying to get me to deal with that.

    If it was my grandfather, maybe he was asking me to help my mom? I want to. But, mom and Bob told me to stay here. I think they are afraid I will be a burden on them… ha ha ha ha… not my intention.

    Well, let’s just see what tomorrow brings. I am off tomorrow and have a list of to-do’s. Whoot!

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