This was a long day. I did not let things get to me the way they could of, but I was still left thinking about a lot of things. Basically, I stayed in most of the day taking care of household shit while doing some reflection and shifts of household energy.
The previously written entries with me bitching about my house guest are meaningless. I was acting out in frustration and angst because the friendship was not taking shape like I had hoped; and for my vapid shallow followers the expectation was simply friendship.
There in-lies the problem that there was an expectation.
So, I still will always move the earth for someone who is a friend. I will turn the wheel that makes the earth go round for that friend.
Unfortunately, he left and I do not recall a single ‘thanks’… but I may be wrong. More expectations seem to color the farewell and the reflection of the friendship is still in shadow. Basically, I still do not know where I stand with him and I guess I have to just accept it. It is what it is.
I am feeling very frustrated, exhausted, and drawn because life is simply not advancing. I am begrudgingly trotting along trying to make life work. If my frustrations are misdirected? If my reaction is acting out inappropriately, all I can do is be aware and apologize in advance. I’m glad I have projects and things to keep my busy – or I might go fucking nuts.