I am sitting here watching LOST and am thinking about how fucked up some days are. It’s a full moon tonight and the whole day has represented that. The night ends with feelings of exasperation and reflection on all the stupid mistakes I am making.
I am this week’s king of regrets and self pity. Maybe more than that! As you may have read on past entries I tend to fixate once in a while on the decisions and actions of my past that I carry around like a bag of rocks. It seems like I am a very bad person deep inside and no matter how nice I seem on the outside inside it is sludge and shit.
Yet, I got a nice email this week from someone who says they read my blog… which makes me happy. I have been neglecting this little mini-therapist.
Well, as much as I struggle to make ends meet daily and keep me and Tom healthy it is amazing how I am still trying to see the world from a positive point of view. I literally have nothing to live for. I realized that recently and have absolutely no desire to live life. Sad, huh?
Before anyone gets melodramatic I’m not looking to off myself. hmm…. no.