Expanding my Creative Menu

I started another writing project based on a pretty cool idea. It’s funny how things sorta flow in the universe and I have to wonder about where some of my ideas flow from. Certainly I have a creative mind and a unique spin, but I started a book about 2 years ago and finished it’s 4th or 5th draft recently and see two productions with a similar (generally speaking) concept behind it.
Mine is certainly darker and edgier than t.v. will do and absolutely reaches past what a made for t.v. movie I heard about last night is doing. All it means is people wonder about similar things.
My writing has danced on the spiritual / metaphysical / sciFi side for all my life but I keep letting time slip by without attempting to publish anything. Seems a lot of people think they are writers and I am more than willing to hear any critical feedback on my work if only I can get someone to read it.
Besides, I want a 2nd pair of eyes on it for sentence structure, continuity and maybe some fact checking too. I have no one will to take that task on. Argh….!
But, I decided once again [note to reader: I had twice in my life sought publishing but let myself get defeated almost immediately] to look into it. I have been reading and preparing myself for the process and know it is a long process. I suppose if it were easy tons of people would have done it and there would be a lot of shitty books out there about whatever.
I have 2 books ready for the go round:

  • “3 Wishes to Save the World” by me
    Which really has nothing to do with saving the world but has a lot to do with much more darker and deeply rooted issue in our world evolving around race and the perception of society.
  • “ELDRITCH: Tale of the Four Winds” by me
    Super exciting purely SciFi tale I originally wrote as a screen play for television but it made quite an amazing book. It’s 300 pages but could easily evolve in a season of very cool shows on HBO or Showtime or something like that. It’s got a lot of historical figures in it and a lot of spiritual and religious overtones but strictly for the context of the story. This one actually does have a save the world element to it… no super heroes.

I think I need to add more to my creativity section on the site and maybe I will add more about my writing.

Full Moon Tonight: New Start?

rp_1538951_10152205688016197_559003127_n-310x150.jpgI made no secret about the self improvement things I have been working on since the beginning of the year. Books, practices and more. I am not faced with putting that into action and actually making something out of my life. It is mother-fucking hard to figure out what is right.
Seems like I feel a lot of resistance in any direction I go in, but I am not unawares that success does come with a price. Nothing, they say, is easy. But a lot of it may have something to so with the way the brain works – connecting to the soul – connecting to the chain that links us all as beings on this planet.

I watched this video twice this week (well the whole movie) on Netflix and have some to a lot of realizations in my thinking that seem to be working against me. If you have seen some of my gripes, many of them are addressed right here in the presentation.

  • my uber-dysfunctional relationship with my father and how I see him as really fucking me up as a human being in my life and the mess I have been seeing myself as…
  • “if it weren’t for bad luck you would not have any luck at all” my mom said to me; not in a mean way but damn if it did not seem like it was true.

So what do I do with that and look forward? How do I resolved to live out whatever is left of my life in a way that is better and stronger and healthier? What is the catalyst to make that happen? part of it is to get over the fucked up shit Jack dealt me growing up and keep driving toward real goals.

  • find out WHAT I am sincerely grateful for
  • decide WHAT I want
  • focus on making those things part of my daily routine; outlook, vision
  • …and then?

I have to change a lot of things and many of them appear on the front of this web site. I have to let go and grab on to new things.

a little prayer

The new job is going really well and I hope that it keeps going that way. I will do everything I can to keep it going that way. So, this is my new start and this is my new outlook. Given recent years of non-stop bad luck and consistent failure these recent blessings are really over due in some ways.
It’s not entitlement. It’s not about what I deserve. The universe never looks at things that way. If she dis it would be a cruel twist. If I did I would be crazier than I already am.
So the job is really great so far and it looks like it could going well if I keep my nose to the grindstone and focused on what I need to.
On the other hand I have a boyfriend who I have been with now for five months and we spend a lot of time together. As much as I have expressed my love for him he has not done so much in return… at least in words. Actions have been pretty telling and his actions have made me very happy.
He is a sweet guy who shows he cares on so many levels. He is attracted to me… ME! He thinks I am sexy… when so many people in my past have said just the opposite unless they wanted something.
But he and I have our demons and we say and do stupid things to fuck our own heads. I tell him ‘I love you’ and in return I got mocked. It was his defenses reacting… because nothing is ever good enough. I still love him and he sometimes says things that make me think I am wasting my time; but he and I are carved from the same block of wood. It’s uncanny the things we match on.
Not all those things are healthy. But we are two terribly flawed people who together are both better humans.
I feel so insecure about this and lately I have been asking myself if I am really in love with him. I think I am. I am afraid that I am so exposed that my own insecurities are like screaming voice in my head bringing the doubts like scattered ran clouds. It’s like an impending storm.
God give me the strength, wisdom and vision to find my way and the light at the end of the tunnel. Please grant me the light to retain my optimism and save me from myself.