Deb left here a couple of hours ago staggering drunk and with a fist full of cheesecake and raw fruit. She stumbled and rolled in the grass, but after I picked her up covered with freshly laid cow poop, she spit out some grass blades and climbed into her car.
Not really… ha ha ha. Deb reads the blogs and did some back research seeing that there is 5.5 years of mindless, meaningless rambling on this site. I’m so damn funny.
In recent days I have been feeling very dark inside and there have been influences around me that seemed to be pushing me further into darkness. I told Debbie about the feelings I was experiencing and some of the places I was going and she got upset.
Yesterday I was having a horrible day. School went okay in the morning, but I blew off my afternoon class because I was just needing to focus on my homework. So I hid out and worked on that, plus I had to get some items I sold on eBay off into the mail. People are such assholes… ugh! The people that bought from me on eBay were shits, but I had to give them good feedback anyway. Fuckers!
My mood darkened and yet I had plans on meeting Adolfo for dinner when he got off work. I wanted to talk with him about us, because I still don’t feel like there is any closure… even for 6 months later. I was already upset over some stupid things that went on and he made some comments that played to my sensitive side; I ended up getting up and leaving in a bitch storm. That went to shit…
Well, when I am really upset I don’t speak. I clam up and escape… which is what I did. I have not heard from him since. I left him standing in the parking lot.
My feelings are pretty raw right now and I do not know what they are. I have no money and I have no real resources that I can grip on to. I was really slipping but mom came to my rescue… again. I hope she does not think that this is all a waste… but I will pay her back.
NOTE: I finished reworking www.achtungmediadesign.com as well as www.myspace.com/achtungmediadesign that needed a maturity update. I am constantly trying to work design ideas and was inspired by another artist… but damn my art did not look anything like his.
Is there a point when one has done everything they can in life and looks out seeing nothing in front of them. For friends who say I am being a drama queen fuck you. “Friends” who don’t want to get involved fuck you too. “Friends” who won’t face me with things they are upset about… fuck you again. Aw, fuck…